Decisions, Decisions.....
Today, I finally came to myself with the realization that I can’t do it all. Whew, what a load off to finally accept that I am only one person and I can’t be all things for all people. I think I got caught up in the idea that I could juggle it all and now I am burned-out, frustrated and short-tempered with a mountain of housework and unfinished projects. Not to mention all my good intentions for school. Though our school has been running smoothly with the dc doing their assigned lessons, there are several lessons and projects that have been left on the table never touched. This is my real issue, I didn’t schedule too much to be accomplish this term, my overall life schedule has too much in it.
Last night, I read a post over at HSB2 on how to say no and not give into the guilt and pressure to do too much. There was a comment about your pride being the main source of the frustration and guilt. Well, guilty ~ I’ve allowed my pride to steal my time and what is most important to me. I don’t desire to work outside my home, nor do I desire to work at all but thats another subject; ), nor do I desire to pursue a college degree or a career at this time. I desire to give a 100% to being a stay at home mom/wife, to teach my dc to be responsible, loving Christian adults, to pursue the things of God with my whole heart and to be a mentor/friend for those walking the same road I am. I’m realizing that in my pursuit to accomplish these goals, I have been derailed. I have been lead astray, quite willingly I might add because I thought I was helping God and my husband to provide the necessary items that our household needed. Now I am unhappily working in a job I can’t stand, with bills that are dependent on the income and still no furniture. Argh!, thats the part that really burns me the most ~ I’ve been working for a whole year to get new furniture and I still don’t have it ~ not even a bookcase. I know my mentor has meant well and was looking out for my future and the future of the library but its not what I want no matter how good it sounds or interesting the endeavor maybe. Its just too much for me at this time and I can’t fully enjoy it either. Besides, who needs two careers anyway ~ not me. ;D
I will not complain, I will seek the Lord and I will humble myself before Him and ask for mercy. I know He forgives me, I just need to forgive myself and start focusing on Him more. I need to place my faith firmly in the Lord and stay humbly connected to my source of strength. I desire peace in my home and heart, no longer will I run w/the current that leads me from my purpose. No longer will I be lead astray by hopes of a better tomorrow. I leave the bills, furniture needs, increase in dh’s income, and all other worries which are outside of my control to the one who can control it best, My heavenly Father. Lord, I take Lisa Whelchel’s challenge today, I ask you to interrupt my plans, schedules and thoughts, I release my cares to you and I desire you to do something awesome in my life this month, this week, even today Lord. I surrender all and I thank you for the grace, peace and confidence to stand against the crowd, the devil and any who would oppose me on my decision. You are Lord and I worship you with my whole heart. Thank you, Amen.
I don’t know about any of you but I’m feeling a lot better. I am grateful for the ability to repent, be cleansed and start again. That's what 1 John 1:9 is all about. I’m looking forward to new beginnings, to God doing something awesome in my life and to being content as a SAHM & home teacher. Thanks to the many moms and friends who have prayed for me and the encouraging blogs that I have read recently especially Choosing Home. If you need a word of encouragement, please stop by and read this blog. You will also find one of our AO/HEO Bloggers over there too ~ Holy Experience of Listening. For those of you who must work o/s your home, I will continue to pray for you to be strengthen if this is something you desire to do or need to do and I will pray for release if you desire to be home full-time. I know the struggle well, I’ve put myself in this place more than once. However, God is good and able to do all we ask or think, we must simply trust Him to do it.
